“King EU, Lady A, and The Privacy Decree”
…because I know Privacy Policies are getting annoying…I have written this as a bedtime story (though I hope it’s somewhat riveting and not entirely boring). PS, I am Lady A and all of these policies are what I currently follow; the basics will be lined out for you via bold lettering and a summery at the end.
Intro: GDPR–The Privacy Decree Sent Forth
Chapter 1: Collection and Compliance
Chapter 2: The Herald, The Baker, The Census, The Peddler, and The Voice of the People
Chapter 3: An Addendum to the Addendum
Chapter 4: Summaries and Pleasantries
Intro: GDPR–The Privacy Decree Sent Forth
Once upon a time, a decree was sent out by King EU, who ruled over all the land of the Eastern European nations and stretched forth that rule to the ends of the earth, that Privacy should be taken very, very seriously for the inhabitants of the land, and all other vassal nations must needs heed the demands if they interact with these inhabitants. 
The Privacy Decree, officially named GDPR (EU General Data Protection Regulations), made its way over the vast seas to the rest of the nations, all the way to Lady A of Arts & Crackers. She was the sole, modest leader over the demure domain of artscrackers.com. Did she have any help? Nope. It was “Jest-er.” (Forgive my Medieval pun–Shakespeare has taught me that serious matters demand a bit of…comic relief.) 
Her Citizens were amazing, creative, loving People from far and wide, some under this new decree and some not. She cared deeply for all of these Citizens.
According to this Decree, all use of private information data collected should be explicitly known and consented to. Lady A has always been one for openness, honesty, and consent, yet the Decree would rule her domain nay compliant as of the date May 25 of the year 2018 lest she make changes.
While frustrated and distressed over the insurmountable tasks required her of King EU and the initial inconvenience it may cause to the Citizens of Arts & Crackers, the Decree made sense and Lady A could get behind the purpose of it, for she wanted only the best for all; yet the task seemed so gargantuan–one soul against a nation, limited by her modest resources.
Chapter 1: Collection and Compliance
Ill and feeble from the Season of Colds and Flus, a very tired Lady A implored why all must needs make so many changes for the Privacy Decree. She searched far and wide for answers and guidance on how she could achieve this properly, only to be met with few answers set in stone; however, she could belay it no longer. Her deadline was fast approaching.
Lady A wanted nothing more than to be in compliance, so she set out to tackle the task and complete her duties. She would make her data retention clearer than ever before. She would maintain her trustworthiness among the Citizens.
Fighting a fogginess of the brain, she navigated the path ahead of her, what she must change and what she must declare. She may not have been the wisest and most powerful of leaders, choosing not to collect much personal data from her Citizens and Visitors as most leaders of the day did, but she sought more to give than to take.
However, the fact remained that, though she collected very little data from her Citizens, she and her hired Subjects did use these 5 means to collect this data: a newsletter, cookies, analytics, sales, and comments. Her intentions were pure and for the mutual benefit of all the Citizens and Visitors and herself, as well as a vessel for being a more personal leader–for knowing and better understanding the People of her domain.
Lady A knew what she had to do: let the People know more about the data so they may understand it as well. Let them know, she did.
Chapter 2: The Herald, The Baker, The Census, The Peddler, and The Voice of the People
Lady A used 5 main Subjects to help her with her domain and any necessary data: The Herald, the Baker, the Census, the Peddler, and the Voice of the People. She wrote an addendum to her current site policies; this is what she wrote, as it pertains to you today, Dear Citizen and Visitor:
Dear Citizens and Visitors of my beloved Arts & Crackers, hear me. This day, May 24 of the year 2018, I hereby resolve to make artscrackers.com GDPR compliant and retain continued transparency with my beloved People, and I shall do my best to adhere in the required fashion. My Subjects have helped me as aids to my leadership, and I will share below how each may affect you or collect your data through a newsletter, cookies, analytics, sales, and comments from the People. Should you have any questions, concerns, requests, or advice, I implore you to send them at your earliest convenience to me, Lady A, at [email protected].”
I, the Narrator, have uncovered for you an explanation of each Subject and how it uses data. Her policy remains current and active, so I will share it in present tense with you. The Subjects follow:
The Herald
Lady A sends out a CAN-SPAM compliant newsletter via e-mail approximately once per week. This letter is meant to keep those Citizens who have chosen to participate “in-the-know.” It’s a form of newspaper, if you must. M’Lord, M’Lady, should you choose to join, you must provide a name of your choice — real or imagined — and a proper e-mail address, so Lady A may know who wants what sent where. Your information will never be sold, given away, or otherwise used, because she wouldn’t want someone to do that to her either. 
The contents of this newsletter are those that will benefit the Citizens in many ways, such as community updates, recipes, new ideas, family resources, and more, so much so that you must choose “view entire message” to see it all. Some sign-up forms may send you extra free goodies, and each will tell you if that applies to them.
Should, at any time, you wish to discontinue participation in The Herald, simply click the “unsubscribe” button in the e-mail you receive or kindly send your wishes to Lady A and she will see to it that your wish to unsubscribe is granted immediately. To discontinue within the e-mail itself, scroll to the bottom, click “view entire message,” then at the very bottom you’ll find an easy “unsubscribe” button.
MadMimi is used as The Herald Provider of choice, and you may view her policy here–she occasionally uses “tags” that allow her to customize what you may see–say a new coloring page is available and she knows you will love it the most. Lady A also uses a service called Gumroad for some freebies, which may require information as well (here is their privacy policy) as well as Zapier some day (which she regrets to admit confuses the daylights out of her so it is not officially in use–but here is their privacy policy).
To subscribe or not to subscribe? That is the question. (P.S. my recommendation is to go for it!)
The Baker
While I would love to console you with the sweet smells of snickerdoodles baking in an oven heated by the fiery breath of a generous dragon, The Baker makes cookies that are less of a treat and more of a necessity.
These cookies, you see, are collected to make your experience on artscrackers.com more customized and a better experience overall. They store information, much like food in an organized pantry, so Lady A knows more specific information; this information may help her and her Subjects tailor each experience by demographic location, age, gender, or help so the page loads faster or the same pop-up or ad is not displayed on each visit.
Some third-party Subjects serving cookies on Arts & Crackers reside by the following names:
- Amazon (which helps advertise items so Lady A may earn commissions that keep this all going)
- Facebook (may use a “pixel” to help tailor Arts & Crackers ads to grow the Community)
- Google Analytics (helps track Visitor behaviors so Lady A knows how many Citizens and Visitors come from where, stay on for how long, or other information that helps her make artscrackers.com a useful place to be)
- MadMimi (tracks newsletter information like who comes from each tag)
- MediaVine (which serves catered ads that will be useful for you–these ads help Lady A keep going, so she would rather you see things you want over things you do not…because no one likes ads that are not useful)
- WP eStore (which houses her goods and free products and must collect information necessary for downloads and sales–sales go through PayPal and will include information that you provide to PayPal)
- Social Warfare or jQuery (may collect “sharing” cookies when you choose to share a post)
The Census
To ensure Lady A knew her Citizens well, she sent out for a Census using 
Google Analytics, as most all leaders in the Internet realm do. This allows her to learn more about who is part of her domain–she discovered she has Citizens from all over the world, mostly grown women, but some men too. It shows Citizen behavior–information like which posts are popular and which need more work, and allows custom reporting as needed. An IP address (the new Magic School Bus explains these well), is also collected by Google Analytics. All this data is timeless and will not automatically expire. Even with all of this information, Lady A is unable to personally identify you individually.
The Peddler
To support her family and keep her domain open to all, Lady A offers products for sale. These products are available from two main Peddlers, Gumroad and artscrackers.com; soon Teachers Pay Teachers and Etsy may be added–some items are also available through Amazon and CreateSpace. Should you choose to make a purchase, information will go through Gumroad or PayPal.
Lady A may retain some information provided by each purchasing Citizen (not including payment information), such as what was purchased, name, e-mail (for sending digital files), and physical address (if address is provided), but the rest is stored by each third-party platform. This information is only retained for legal records (such as taxes) and is not used or looked at in any other way, though she wishes earnestly that it would not be awkward to send out a personalized “thank you” note for the support.
Those who reside in a VAT country may not purchase from artscrackers.com, for VAT taxes are far too complex for an individual to navigate. Never fear; should a VAT resident choose to purchase, Gumroad is the way to go as they will take care of all of that. Your country or city/state may be required on purchases for tax purposes.
Occasionally, Lady A will also promote others through affiliate programs, such as bloggers or beloved brands or Amazon; each of these collects cookies much the same, though inaccessible to Lady A (see their individual privacy policies on their sites).
The Voice of the People
Lady A loves to hear from her Citizens and Visitors, so she allows them to leave comments on 
her domain. These comments are public, so she asks you refrain from using personal info apart from a name. Should she notice you’ve added any of this for all to view, she will go ahead and remove it for you. Should a comment be spam, inappropriate, or rude, she has the rights to remove those too. Keep comments clean and kind and you’re good. Should you have a concern or negative feedback, that’s okay, just make sure it’s left in a kind, constructive way. She loves hearing from the Citizens of Arts & Crackers either way.
You may choose to share on the social networks set up for the Citizens of Arts & Crackers, but beware they are public so please keep them kind. Sharing is completely up to you.
Chapter 3: An Addendum to the Addendum
All of this research and choosing and writing was exhausting, but Lady A wanted to make sure no knights were left unarmored. She finished writing her policy addendum, but decided to add an additional addendum.
–While artscrackers.com is family-friendly, Citizens of Arts & Crackers may not be under the age of 16 years old unless parental consent is given.
—Each Citizen’s individual personal data is available to him/her and may be deleted at any time if desired. Simply send a request to Lady A and she will work tirelessly to figure it out. Just remember, your data is safe with Lady A. She is a fearless leader of transparency, consent, and “treat others as you wish to be treated.” She will never sell or distribute any Citizen’s personal date or otherwise use of this data in a way not listed above or as required legally.
—Lady A of Arts & Crackers may reference or link to other domains, however, she is not responsible for their content or policies and does not promote all referenced sites outside of useful information linked to. Should a concerned Citizen see something not working, or perhaps even something disturbing, please reach out immediately as Lady A seeks to provide a safe, conservative community for her Citizens and Visitors.
Etc.
Etc.
And without further adieu, Lady A decided her policy was through. She hoped that it satisfied the 
Privacy Decree, but she’s only one person wearing the hats of many more. Should any Citizen have a concern, please contact her directly as stated above, just make sure you contact in love.
Lady A lives a busy life as the homeschool mom of two boys and a loving wife. This is her job, but it’s also a hobby…she termed it some time ago her beloved “jobby.” However, I regret to inform you that this term will no longer do, as she learned yesterday it’s a Scottish term for “poo.”
Chapter 4: Summaries and Pleasantries
In closing, Lady A decided to give you a recap of the policy created to appease King EU for the Privacy Decree. She knew her Citizens may need it. She asked me, the Narrator, to keep it short and sweet, so here goes:
1) GDPR wants Lady A and other domain owners to be even more open about how EU member’s personal data is retained and requires consent be given.
2) Arts & Crackers collects data through its newsletter, cookies, analytics, sales, and comments (read more about each above).
3) Your personal data will not be collected or used in any way except as stated above, will not be sold or transferred or given away unless required legally, and is collected for the purpose of making your experience the best it can be.
4) Arts & Crackers, while family-friendly, is not for those 16 and under unless parental consent is given.
5) You have access to your personal data and it may be deleted at any time–by continued use of artscrackers.com, you give consent. Again, your personal data will not be sold or transferred and is collected only as allowed as a means of personalizing your experience and bettering the Arts & Crackers domain.
6) Why couldn’t the Italian chef get into his restaurant?……………He had gnocchi.
Thank you, M’Lords and M’Ladies, for your time. I hope you’ve enjoyed this excerpt and it has left you enlightened. Please continue to enjoy content from Arts & Crackers and Lady A will continue to do her best she can as the leader of artscrackers.com.
The end.
*Images used are free Public Domain images allowed for commercial use.*
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